


nothing

by bricksandbones



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Depression, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 07:37:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6365146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bricksandbones/pseuds/bricksandbones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At least nothing doesn't hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nothing

lie in bed with

numb fingers and a bitten-through lip

stare out the window, unseeing

looking for? what, I know not.

 

heart stuttering in your chest, bowels

clenching, teeth grind and crack, bile

backing up. iron band around your forehead,

sharp object to the ear. think. causes of ear pain.

trigeminal neuralgia. unexplained earache for how long? suspect cancer.

diarrhoea, fatigue, hypoglycemia. diabetes? possible.

Occam’s razor: temporomandibular dysfunction, inadequate nutrition.

 

you

almost wish there was something legitimately wrong with you 

other than a failure of self-care leading to a host of minor annoyances. it’s

supposed to be getting better but all you’re

becoming is self-aware and there are things

no sane person can or should know about themselves, ever.

 

and that might have been the problem in the first place. you’re

a habitual liar by evasion and omission; the secret to avoiding

minefields is knowing where they are. never let it be said

that you don’t know what truth you’re trying to avoid. always. 

 

people call you self-critical. that’s a

self-protective social 

lie; you just see things

the way they are. you could make excuses but

why? 

you make excuses for

everyone and there is no

end to it; it's exhaustion and cynicism 

pretending to be humane, an exercise in determining,

what can you get away with, what excuses would they make for you?

and does anyone believe any of them really? why

does anybody bother? when it comes to

yourself you think you're owed the truth (for once).

 

hold your breath. recall: possibility of brain damage, and

stop. you are nothing without your thoughts. you are

less than nothing with them; at least 

nothing

doesn’t hurt. 


End file.
